Change is good. It’s inevitable anyway. Life is full of transitions as we journey through one stage to the next and my latest transition to “empty nester” wasn’t the crashing, wrenching upheaval I thought it might be.
“Be with it” coaches my favorite doyenne of all things White Hot and Truthful, Danielle LaPorte. So I embraced it, sat with it. I think really there was just too much to do that kept me busy through it all to really dwell on my feelings, until now.
I knew the change was coming. My son would be graduating from high school and moving to live with his dad full-time and go to college. In preparation, we started unloading and editing every last THING that wasn’t needed for both of our transitions. Got rid of all electronics (except my laptop), furniture, dishes and anything that had a thread tying it to life with my ex (yea I still had the china and the furniture we picked out when we first got married 20 years ago even though we’ve been divorced now as long as we were married). In my efforts to downsize, get a fresh perspective, and to save money I started looking for new digs. Nothing resonated though that fit in the budget.
Then something REALLY FREAKY happened. A dead body was found in a trash barrel by the side of the road like 100 feet from the entrance to my condo complex. I’d been running past it EVERY DAY for a month. No clue. And I lived in one of the most “exclusive” areas of my area too. Go figure. CREEPY. That day I expanded my search for somewhere to live other than THERE. When the Universe sends you such a powerful message you RSVP ASAP.
And it was the sort of message to which you don’t send your regrets that you are unable to attend. But then everything fell together even though it seemed like it was falling apart and I found the sweetest spot in my universe. A unique living arrangement in a custom home on an old horse ranch. (I won’t bore you with the details of moving; you know what it’s like if you’ve ever moved).
YES! I have horses all around for neighbors. There are sheep, goats and alpaca too. I’m flying through the trees at the top of a canyon (five really). Expansive views that include distant vistas of the City by the Bay are what I wake up to everyday. Some days I even wake up to the deer peering in my window. It’s a real menagerie. I had a lizard that was living under my dryer for about the first week I was here (I thought he was sneaking in through the vent, but I figured out he’d crept through the open door at some point). I wrangled him outside finally. I know he’s happier there (obviously) because he does lizard push-ups when he sees me (I think he has a crush).
How do I feel? I am utterly blessed. I miss my son everyday though. We text and talk. We even went out for Chinese food for lunch the other day (we aren’t that far away from each other, but when you’re an 18-year-old young man, the last thing you want to do is hang out with your mom). I can tell our relationship has changed. It’s been an awakening for me. I see him differently; as a young man who is his own person finding his way on his new path. And all the “upheaval” has been worth this priceless AHA! moment.
I’m all settled into my new place and tonight there’s a violet sky from the haze left over from the heat of the day…it’s simply stunning!